Some days being away from the ones you love will take a toll on you. Especially when they are hurting. Especially when God calls someone home. For the past week, I have been dealing with a friend being hospitalized with very serious injuries. Every day this week I have gotten a phone call from my mom with updates, or should I say.. down dates. She never called with good news, and I could tell it was really taking a toll on my sweet, compassionate mother. She was watching her best friend going through the hardest moment she will ever experience in life, watching her child lay lifeless in a hospital bed.
Today I got the call that no one wants to get while they are thousands of miles away from home, “today is the day”. Today, the first friend I had in life passed away. Today, a million thoughts have gone through my head. From, I wish I had taken the time to be closer to her because we had a bond that not many people get to have in life. Her mother was my mother’s childhood best friend. They got pregnant at the same time. We were born two days apart. I have pictures of us as babies laying on a blanket together. I have memories of middle school birthday sleepovers. I have facebook posts of happy birthday’s going both ways. Messages of failed meetups, and how have you been’s.
This is such a weird feeling for me. I have had many people I love pass away. This is not something new, and it is not something that usually brings up so much pain. I have been dealing with the loss of friends since I was 15, and I have lost people who were much closer to me, people I talked to on an almost daily basis. So why does this one hurt so bad? Well, probably because I can’t be there to help the ones I love grieve. Probably because my family is so close to this family. Probably because the older I get, the more I notice that everyone I love will go one day or another. When you are young, you feel invincible like not even God himself can touch you. When you get older you realize that life is so short, and it can end in the blink of an eye. It makes you realize the people that you take for granted, and the grudges that you are holding onto that just isn’t worth it.
Thank you Brittnie, for the few but strong memories I have between us. Thank you for being the cheeky baby beside me on the blanket in the picture. Thank you for being the friend I always told people who had a birthday two days after mine. But what I thank you for the most, is being the one person whose death amplified all of my feelings. The death that rocked me to my core, even though I have played it off very well. Thank you for being the one who changed my perspective a little on life, and how I treat those that I love. Thanks for calling me, a friend.
I just want to add that Brittnie donated her organs. This means that because of her, some others will live. By donating her organs, Brittnie will live on in those who receive a part of her. I just hope they know that they are getting a piece of a woman who was not done living yet, who had so much life radiating from her, and I hope they cherish it.