Ever since I got married and moved to Spain I have noticed animosity from some people back home. I never thought that I would get negative emotions from people who I have known my entire life. So I keep asking myself, why? Why are people not happy to see that I have grown into the woman I am today? Did people really expect me to be the party girl who traveled from college to college for the rest of my life? Is my settling down and being a good wife triggering to some? I will probably never understand why some people try to throw in my face who I once was, and how I have changed like my changing is a bad thing. So I just want to say a few things about this…
I will never forget who I once was or where I came from. When I meet new people here, and I tell them about myself after getting to know them a little bit, I never exclude all of the wrongs I have done in my past. They all know that I was a functioning alcoholic. Everyone knows I was into smoking weed, selling drugs, and that I have a DUI. I tell them the stories of how I would drive my guy friends to their college and stay there and drink until I passed out. They know that I ran around with a crowd that turned me into a different person, and I actually loved the person I had become. I was fun, and I didn’t care about the consequences of my actions. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, with whoever I wanted. Everyone knows that. I do not hide anything about my past. If my past weren’t the way it was, I would not be the person I am today.
When I met Mike I was still the party girl that drank almost every night and would go to work hungover. We had a few months of drunken nights and decided we loved each other and that we were in this for the long haul. So we eventually got married. For those of you back home who have not yet gotten married and do not understand why I have changed so much in the past 4 years… when you marry the right person, you change for the better. I now have a reason to look forward to life. I can look forward to having a family with the man I love. Of course, I am going to stop making careless mistakes. Of course, I am going to stop going to clubs and bars every night. Why do these things when I can drink with the love of my life at home and eat pizza in our pajamas? I have just as much fun at home drinking and watching Mike play his way through the new Call Of Duty I bought him for his birthday. Being married has been the most fun time of my life, and it has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. It became a motivating force. I am motivated to finish school, so I can get a better job, and help provide for the family we are going to have. I am motivated to become the best version of myself I can possibly be.
I may not be the person I once was, but that is the entire point of living… to grow. No one is supposed to stay the same their entire life, but some people do. Some people just cannot see the beauty in personal growth, and some people just do not like to see others become better.
My mom continues to tell me that the people who are not happy for me are just jealous and I should sever my ties with them. I really believe it is time for me to take her advice and leave everyone behind who is negative or believes that I think I am better than anyone. I am one of the most humble people you will ever meet, my past has left me no choice but to be humble. I know the person I was once was a terrible excuse for a woman, and I know I made a lot of mistakes. Trust me, some still haunt me today. So, I do not think I am above anyone at all. If I ever get the vibe that someone is inferring these things about me again, I will just have to cut them out of my life. I am so over people being negative toward me. This is just another step toward becoming a better me… Stop letting people affect my emotions.
To those of you back home who are happy for me and the 180 I have made in life, I love you all, and I appreciate all of the love and prayers you have been sending me lately. I could not make it through life without the love and support some of you have, and continue to show. You all are the best!
Well, my incredibly all over the place rant is now over. That is all I have for today! Hasta luego my friends! Until tomorrow!